SEX RX: UPGRADE TO THE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS PACKAGE

by Amandha Gilson

Some say that “a friend in need is a friend in deed.” To most, this means that when you need, a friend will be there to act. So what limitations are we to put on that? Can we place one of our most primal needs into this statement? Friends with benefits; it is now such a common phrase that movies, books and even the internet are creating stories and adventures for those looking to approach a “friend.” In the past, it was considered taboo to talk about it, but now, with the reality of living in an instant gratification society, “friends with benefits” is becoming a popular topic to toy around with. I am going to talk about the way in which I approached the topic, which I figure is the most difficult part of the whole ordeal.

I recently took my first dive into the world of intimacy with a close friend. It wasn’t planned, but my needs were high and I had the feeling that my buddy would be into it. We made a plan to hang out and grab a few drinks like we normally did every couple weeks. This time, however, I had a secret plan hidden up my sleeve.

As we sat down to our first drink, my mind was racing with the new way in which I was seeing my buddy. He didn’t know what I was thinking, but being close friends, he could tell something was on my mind. We spoke lightly of the things that had been going on since our last encounter, and once that played out, it was time to converse about the fun things in life. This is where I planned to bring the topic to a more sexual nature, which we had not ever really discussed before as friends.

I began to talk about how there was this friend of ours that I was way into and how much I really wanted to just have sex with him. No strings attached, just looking for a fun time. I went on to clarify that, at this point in my life, I am not looking for a long term relationship, as my career is taking all of my time and energy. I am also not the type of girl who fancies one night stands with strangers, so that option was out of the question. I was looking to just have some fun with a friend.  His advice to me was to just go for it, to tell this guy that was all I wanted. Great advice…seriously. Ladies, if there is a guy out there you want nothing more than to just throw around for a night, tell him. Odds are he’s down (that juicy story will be next month).

Now that the conversation was open in the sexual nature, I began to talk about the things that get my jolly’s going. Both our fantasies were discussed with minimal embarrassment, as we have known each other for years and trusted that the words would not leave our table. If you’re not comfortable with your sexuality, this may be difficult, but since I know what I want, it wasn’t hard to discuss. At this point, I could tell his mind was now thinking about me in a way he probably had many times before, but knowing he was in the friend category, hadn’t ever acted on them. I could see a devilish smile forming, and at this point, I knew it was time for the body language to start speaking. Flirtatious arm rubs and leg touches were handed out freely as we laughed about our sexual exploits with our past partners. Once the touching started, it seemed as though he had gotten my very subtle, but not so subtle point. He began to be more physical as we moved our conversation to the crowded dance floor. Here, the normal friends dancing side by side became much closer and thrill inducing as hands wrapping around the waist and deep “rip your clothes off” stares ensued.

We stayed out til two making the most of our flirtatious natures and walked out of the bar with thoughts of what would happen next filling our minds. We went back to my place to smoke the evening bowl, as was our normal hang out routine. This time, however, after we finished that bowl, instead of parting ways, my buddy took action. He pushed me back and began kissing me. Exactly what I had said wanted. He tore off my clothes and kissed me everywhere. His kisses were passionate and threw my entire body into such excitement I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t believe this was working! He had listened to every word I had said, he had taken my body language and words and put them to the best use possible and I was feeling it. At this point, I knew I had succeeded in my goal so I took everything he had said to me throughout the night and began to play it out. What a game it was! Three hours and five rooms (including the back patio) later, we were exhausted. Literally unable to move, it was now time for the final discussion.

I bring this last point up as it is very important. Any time people have sex, there are chemicals released in your brain that make you feel more bonded to the other person. It is SO important that you discuss the fact that you are going to remain friends, that this was a “benefit” of being a close friend. If this is not discussed, you leave yourself open to hurting or even losing your friend. Even if you made sure to discuss it prior, make sure to reiterate the point. And if you’re lucky, you can open up this benefit dialogue and do it again and again. But the more you do, the more chemicals are released, the harder it will be to keep feelings out of the situation, so please keep this in mind and BE SAFE ABOUT IT!

If you have anything you’d like to ask about this story or have an idea for next month you’d like to share, please email me at [email protected].

Category: Noco Music Scene